The dating companion with a thousand faces

by Alan Roger Currie

Any established or up-and-coming writer, novelist and/or screenwriter is familiar with Joseph Campbell's, The Hero with a Thousand Faces. In Campbell's classic literary work, he basically outlines the general structure for the vast majority of stories you see in both books and movies. Campbell essentially asserts that just about all stories are a variation of one theme: "The Hero's Journey." (Another good book that is similar is Christopher Vogler's The Writer's Journey)

More specifically, Campbell identifies about seven-to-nine "archetypes" that he says are usually present in just about all stories: The protagonist (or Hero), the antagonist, the mentor, the shadow, the shape shifter (or hidden ally or hidden enemy), the threshold guardian, the herald, the trickster (or comic relief). One additional archetype is usually the "sidekick."

Well, in my experience, I've found there to be similar "archetypes" in the dating world. I have concluded that there are nine general archetypes for both genders that I seem to have met over and over and over and over and over again over the last fifteen-to-twenty years out in the dating scene. It has been rare that any man or woman has not fallen into at least one of these nine archetypes (although a handful of men and women have sometimes been a "blend" of two of the archetypes)

Here is a brief assessment of each archetype:

Nine Male Archetypes in the Dating World

- The Balanced Companion

General description: The "balanced companion" is neither extremely dominant or weak and passive. They know when to take charge, and when to go with the flow. This person is rarely known for drastic emotional mood swings. They operate on an even keel the vast majority of the time. Good character, good integrity and an objective viewpoint characterize this person.

- The Alpha Male / Dominator

General description: This is the man that loves to be in total control of a relationship, and expects each woman he interacts with to adhere to his program. If this man is matched up with a very submissive woman, he won't have too many problems. Sometimes these men are referred to as "jerks" and "assholes" by women who are frustrated by their dominant tendencies.

- The Henpecked Companion

General description: This man is almost just the opposite of The Dominator. This man will allow his female companions to run all over him. No backbone or real decision-making ability at all, primarily because this man does not like to deal with disagreements, arguments, debates and/or confrontations. This man is usually with a female companion that he feels he doesn't really deserve to be with.

- The Sugar Daddy

General description: This is a man who doesn't really have any true charm, looks, confidence or personality, so he compensates for his shortcomings and insecurities by offering women financial favors, employment opportunities, materialistic gifts, etc. I refer to these men in my book, Mode One, as "Mode Three Targets."

- The Player and/or Pimp

General description: The Player is a womanizer who is very upfront and straightforward with women about the fact that he desires to have two or more sexual companions. This man does not like to engage in manipulative head games or experience dating-related "drama." The highest level Players will ultimately come to be known as "pimps," meaning that he can influence his women to have sex with other men, usually for profit.

- The Serial Monogamist

General description: The Serial Monogamist is almost similar to a Player, but he doesn't like to juggle two or more women at once. This man would rather interact with just one woman romantically and/or sexually for six weeks to six months, and then move on to the next short-term monogamous relationship.

- The Dog / Lying Womanizer

General description: The Lying Womanizer (or "Dog," "Cheater") is a man who wants very badly to be known as a true "Player," but lacks the confidence to be upfront and straightforward about his intentions for multiple sex partners; Instead, this man is highly deceitful and misleads many women into believing that they are the only "special woman" in his life

- The Timid or Wallflower

General description: Some critics would label this man "the loser"; I don't think any man is truly a "loser," but rather, they just haven't full developed a strong sense of self-confidence and self-esteem yet. This man is not even really engaged in the dating scene. This man is more or less like a "spectator" who attends social events just to admire women's beauty without ever making any real attempt to approach them.

- The Weasel / FunClubber

General description: This is the man who typically will "pretend" to be a woman's "platonic friend," but deep-down, he wants to date that woman or have casual sex with her. I refer to this type of behavior as "FunClubbing" (i.e., instead of being in a woman's "fan club," you are in her "hang around with her just for fun" club)

 

Nine Female Archetypes in the Dating World

- The Balanced Companion

General description: Same general traits as the male archetype that falls in this category.

- The Alpha Female / Dominator

General description: Same general traits as the male archetype that falls in this category. Sometimes, these women are referred to as "bitches."

- The Masochist / Doormat

General description: This is a woman who loves to be mistreated and disrespected (the notion of this might sound crazy to some, but there are some women who literally get off on that). Usually, this woman suffers from very low self-esteem and/or was emotionally/physically/sexually abused as a child.

- The Trophy

General description: Trophy women go well with Sugar Daddy types. Their physical beauty and classy demeanor is their most highly valued and desired asset, so consequently, they offer their romantic companionship to the highest bidder.

- The Wholesome Pretender

General description: This term is actually an "Alan Roger Currie original," similar to my frequently used nickname for sexual intercourse, "exchanging orgasms." A Wholesome Pretender is a woman who loves to play the role of the "innocent, wholesome good girl" around her more conservative, prudish friends and acquaintances, but when she is in the company of more erotically uninhibited folk, her true kinky and freaky side will ultimately be unleashed.

- The Erotic Hypocrite / Status Chaser

General description: This term, just like Wholesome Pretender, is found in my Mode One book; This woman is similar to a Wholesome Pretender, but much more status-oriented and materialistic. This is a woman who essentially has the mindset of a high-priced Call Girl or Erotic Escort, but she doesn't want either of those labels officially attached to her name.

- The Super Freak / Nymphomaniac

General description: There are some women who are extremely horny and extremely sexually adventurous and promiscuous, and they don't even attempt to hide it. This is what the late R&B singer, Rick James, labeled a "Super Freak." She wants to do it anytime, anywhere, and in any sort of [unconventional] scenario. This woman will never be able to maintain a monogamous relationship.

- The Recluse

General description: This is a woman, similar to the male "timid / wallflower," who has essentially taken herself out of the dating scene either because of bitterness towards the male gender or a total lack of confidence in her looks and/or her ability to hold a man's interest. Many times, these women turn to junk food as their "fix" ... or cats.

- The Attention Whore

General description: This is a woman, similar to a male "weasel / FunClubber," who will give men the misleading impression that "one day" they might just gain the opportunity to date them or have sex with them, but in reality, they just want to maintain a stable of "platonic boyfriends" who are at their beck and call to perform favors for them or just be a listening ear to their frustrations caused by other men.

Some men and women start off in one category and remain in that same category for most of their adult life. Other men and women sort of float from one category to another, depending on their age, level of maturity, and the type of members of the opposite sex they are meeting.

For example, I've probably fallen into at least six or seven of the nine male archetypes at different points in my life. The only categories I've never really operated in is "The Sugar Daddy" (never really had the means to do so) and "The Timid / Wallflower" (with the possible exception of maybe middle school or early high school). I've rarely been the "Dog / Lying Womanizer" either, with the exception of maybe a brief stretch in high school and/or college.

I know some men and women will say, "Well, none of those properly categorize me!!" Yeah, right. Don't fool yourself. These archetypes are tried and true. I didn't just make these up overnight. I've rarely, if ever, met a man or woman who did not fall into at least ONE of these nine archetype categories.

Is "The Balanced Companion" the category that is most ideal? Not necessarily. For some men, being "The Dominator" or even "The Sugar Daddy" works for them. Same with women. I know many women who enjoy being "The Trophy" or "The Attention Whore."

Now if you'll excuse me, I must continue my work on my screenplay, Wholesome Pretenders and Erotic Hypocrites: The Movie. If Tucker Max can get his book turned into a movie, I surely can. I'm sure they serve chicken wings and Peach Snapple in Heaven.

 

Alan Roger Currie is a celebrated columnist, author, blogger, and radio talk show host. He welcomes comments, rebuttals, topic recommendations and suggestions. Email him directly, follow him on Twitter @AlanRogerCurrie, become a fan on Facebook or visit him at his site, The Mode One Approach